Provision, God’s way

I am sneaking up on my sixty-fourth birthday, (…or should I say it is sneaking up on me?) Every day of this baby boomer’s life has been undeservedly and richly blessed in a plethora of ways. I have never known a day without a safe shelter to rest my weary bones or ample food for my protruding belly. Because of provision, God’s way, my husband and I have enough wiggle room in our budget for simple vacations, inevitable health glitches of ours, or our furry friends and unavoidable home repairs that occur as a result of living in a house that has seen over three decades of Northern Illinois weather.

Our marriage is the second for both of us which practically means that we started over financially at the ripe old age of thirty-five.

Because of our failed marriages, we have had fewer years to save for the future. In addition, we have experienced a failed business and a return to college for both of us with the expense of tuition, books and student loans in hopes of learning skills that would carry us through our working years. The topping on this not so tasty cake is a foolish “loan” that drained years of savings to a not so “trustworthy” family member. These events, and many more that I am too horrified to share, have caused our personal lack-luster attempts at “financial security” to tumble down like toy blocks.

Despite all of this, through every story, God has provided in ways far beyond my ability to imagine or hope. Through it all, he has been consistently faithful, though, in all honesty, I cannot say that about myself.

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus” Philippians 4:29

Even though I have repeatedly experienced God’s generosity in surprisingly and creative ways. Still, I am having a bit of concern regarding the provision in the twilight of my life (otherwise known as old age).

I fear that the days of trips to California to visit our daughter will be gone. I’ll say goodbye to five-dollar movies on senior citizen day. No more dinners at the local pub or ordering from our favorite pizzeria. My husband and I will be relegated to tent living and our date night will consist of sharing a dented can of soup as we re-read our 2019 Consumer Reports magazine (I imagine we’ll have no television as there would be no spare funds for electricity or cable).

I somehow have seemed to convince my stubborn self that without my ability to generate an income (that I determine as sufficient), the result would be a catastrophe. Worrying about future provision has been occupying a significant amount of gray matter. My compulsion to control and fear is precluding me from experiencing peace. A peace that is naturally generated from God’s provision in the past. I must redirect my destructive, negative thinking.

However, God tells us “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.” Phillippians 4:8

How has the calendar announcing that I lived another year on this planet changed my normally hopeful perspective?

Oh foolish, faithless, forgetful me. I have allowed slick advertising, to direct my sense of need, fuel my fear and placed myself as the driver of this thing called Life. I have pushed aside God’s generous hand of provision and replaced it with my fumbling paws. Instead of celebrating God’s generous hand of provision, instead of celebrating His current generosity in my life, I pull out the adding machine in hopes of manipulating numbers enough to invite my worrying heart to rest. I am truly experiencing debilitating amnesia when it comes to the mercy, grace and ample provision that God has drenched me with.

“Praise the Lord, my soul and forget not all His benefits”. Psalms 103:2

I haven’t even mentioned a crucial part of the unexplainable economy of God. As Christ-followers we are instructed to give. Giving is the only act of worship we are directed to do in which our Father says “test me in this”. My husband and I have twenty-eight years of stories that demonstrate his faithfulness. I think it best if I save those for another time!

Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this, says the Lord Almighty, and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.” Malachi 3:10

God is mercifully reminding me that He purposely withholds the birds-eye view of the outcome of our lives.

As a result, He grows our faith by allowing us sweet memories of His past provision, and He provides His own word that comforts us during times of fear and doubt. He declines our request for the specifics as to how He will be enough, how He will provide enough. But, He amplifies his presence when we’re in the midst of turmoil. He reminds us that the future belongs to Him, and Him only. Man-made calculations will not offer us lasting hope to believe in a promising tomorrow. Like shifting sand, numbers and life situations are forever changing. Instead, He whispers to us “look at me”, see what I have already done in ways beyond your own child-like imagination.

“Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” Mathew 11:28

Does this certainty give my husband and me an out for saving for the future?

Can we borrow from the future? Can we take on debt to go around the world in eighty days? Or try something else, like pinching every penny until Lincoln cries wolf? Not hardly. Let us be reasonable; let us find balance.

“The wise store up choice food and olive oil but fools gulp theirs down”. Proverbs 21:20

Yes, we do save, not out of fear. We save as good stewards of the resources we have been given. Jesus encourages us to observe the sparrows when it comes to worrying about the future.

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they”? Mathew 6:26

The other side of the conundrum is this.

Biblically, we are directed to save, but not hoard. Jesus often taught using parables that would communicate truth to his followers. In one parable a man was blessed by an abundant harvest. He decided to tear down his barns and build bigger ones to store away his grain and then lay back and take it easy, hoarding all he had. The rich man heard very harsh words in response to his plans.

“You fool”! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself? This is how it will be with whoever stores up things for themselves but is not rich toward God”. Luke 12:15-21

As I write a door opens for me so I can glimpse a reality beyond my own feeble faith.

The unchangeable power of God’s truth chases away Fear and Dread. My soul is finally free to remind me of what I already know. My arrogance can no longer shadow the power of God’s truth. I do know in Whom I can trust. My true provider is Jehovah Jireh. Peering deeply into God’s word has regenerated in me my first love, my lasting hope. Scripture teaches that God’s word will not return void. And, once again, it has not and I am grateful. My final prayer and thought:

“Two things I ask of you Lord; do not refuse me before I die: Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘who is the Lord’? Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.” Proverbs 30:7-9

Thank you for sharing this journey with me. May God’s word renew and bless you as it has me, dear friends.

Humbly,

Karen