Recently a friend shared that his grandson may have a serious illness. It is an unlikely diagnosis but the child’s Pediatrician wants to perform some tests. In most cases I would express compassion, promise to pray for this child and go on with the duties of my day. I would feel sorry, but not overwhelmingly sad. Surprisingly, that day was different. As he was speaking, my eyes filled with tears and I was painfully aware of a rock forming in the middle of my throat. At that moment, I was unusually grateful for the paper mask over my mouth and nose and its ability to hide the contortions of my face.
Days prior to this I felt the wet sting of salt water in my eyes as I was listening to a worship song on my favorite Christian music station. It wasn’t a particularly new song, but the words specifically spoke to my heart that day. These events are making me wonder who is this person that seems to be living constantly on the edge of tears?
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Mathew 5:4
Mathew 5:4
I am not usually one to shed tears. The videos that demonstrate in multicolor the problems of our planet, ads that call for donations to pet shelters while playing maudlin music don’t tug at my heart strings; no facial tissue needed. My wallet stays closed and my eyes dry.
So what is the initiator of these un-Karen like reactions to sad news and touching melodies? Since you are kind enough to spend precious, non-returnable minutes of your day, let me explain the catalyst in the science experience called my life.
Unfortunately, we have just completed a year of insanity known as the COVID 19 pandemic. Unimaginable isn’t it? My presumption is that you share with me in innumerable failed attempts to ride this bronco of ever changing facts, opinions and warnings. All of us have experienced a 12 month wave of hope, grief, disgust and fear. As our health care system, the US government, friends, family, neighbors, social media and so-called journalists attempt to make headway in the shifting sands of information, I have seemed to have lost sight of my True North. My wheels have beens spinning, and loosing traction while the weather of my soul changes from ice to snow to rain. The “windshield wipers” of my heart are struggling to keep up so my vision and my hope will not be impaired.
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like the wave of sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.
James 1: 5-8
My career as a nurse has propelled me to the proverbial front lines. I was that nurse stripping off my work clothes in the garage before I entered the warmth of my home. Authorities directed health care personnel to be prudent and vigilant. I was compliant and did whatever it took to prevent any shred of the virus to enter the door of my suburban home.
It would seem by now I should have a solid grasp on the reality of this enemy of our emotional and physiological health. However, I am sorry to say the same reports changing like a kaleidoscope are as real on the front lines of healthcare as on the outside. New information is obtained and the old is tossed in file 13. Do any of these headlines ring a bell?
Its all a hoax, its no worse than the flu.
Shelter in place is only going to be for two weeks, just to “flatten the curve”. The mandates are temporary and are there just to protect all of us.
“COVID cases and deaths are climbing”,
“Covid cases and deaths are declining, there is just more testing”.
“Masking doesn’t work, look at the state of…” (you fill in the blank)
“Masking would work, if people would really obey the rules”
“You drank the cool-aid if you are compliant with the mandates”
“You are selfish if you aren’t compliant with the mandates”
“Don’t let your Amazon boxes in the house”
“Order take-out food to keep our restaurants in business”
“Don’t hug your grandchildren!”
“If you really cared you would or wouldn’t…”
“If you really have faith you would or wouldn’t…”
“Only N-95 masks are really effective”
“Paper masks are just fine”
“Go to church and pray”
“Stay out of church as it may increase the death toll”
“Keep the schools open; the children aren’t meant to sit in front of a screen all day”
“Keep your children home and safe, we also don’t want to endanger their teachers!”
“Health care and front-line workers are Heroes”
“Avoid health care and front line workers as they are potential carriers”
“Don’t hoard food, that is selfish!”
“There is definitely going to be a serious food shortage”
“Stimulus checks are coming, the extra money will help the economy”
“Our grandchildren will be paying for the current rising debt”
“The Vaccine is approved!”
“The vaccine may have serious long term effects and it may not be effective against the new strain”
On and on and on, I will leave the rest to your own memory of the last 12 months.
The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever.
Isaiah 40:7
Without my feet on solid ground and my mind focused on God’s unchanging truth, my soul becomes a victim of every report I see on the local news or read on social media. My spirit flits around like a hummingbird looking for tasty nectar, for hope somewhere. I confess that I have allowed the evening news, the most recent “medical experts” reports and changing opinions to move my dancing to grieving. I have given the driver’s seat of my emotions to the changing sands of would be science and opinions.
It is no wonder that the salt water in my eyes and lump in my throat rise up so easily. My soul is straining for some sense of normalcy. My heart longs to see smiles again, share hugs and handshakes without guilt or awkwardness. I am worn-out from trying to balance common-sense with respect for views that differ from my own. I have seen too many people die alone; too many people facing the end of life while surrounded by strangers wearing masks and eye shields.
These experiences and being surrounded by hopeless reports and opinions from fellow Homo-Sapiens drains my soul. My spirit cries out for some semblance of hope.
The Word of God, His truth remains steadfast without change, without error. His presence is our hope. I can not let the temporary cast a shadow on the permanent. To ward off this spirit of hopelessness, God’s word provides guidance. He knew living on this planet would bring on a plethora of chances to loose hope, or sink deeply in the quicksand of a culture of doom.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you will overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirt.
Romans 15:13
What I am finding is that just a few scriptures can redirect my heart and steer me away from darkness and towards the light. May you also be richly blessed by His promises, His truth.
Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely , whatever is admirable -if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about these things.
Philippians 4:8
Therefor we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For out light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12-13
And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all time, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.
2 Corinthians 9:8
May God continue to infuse you with his peace my dear friends,
Karen