In her book “Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith”, Anne Lamont wrote: “Not forgiving someone is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.”
Humbling thought isn’t it?
I am blessed and abundantly fortunate in my upbringing. My family consistently demonstrated grace and forgiveness. Holding grudges and getting back was not even a passing thought. Never did I observe anyone in my home drinking the poison of unforgiveness.
I was not spoiled, and there were consequences when household rules were broken. Recently my mother and I were recalling my long ago childhood. I remembered how I received quite the spanking from my father after leaving my sandals outside overnight. (again!) Because he used his belt as a means to communicate my infraction, he unintentionally cut one of my small fingers with the buckle. I guess if I didn’t put my hand over the receiving end of the spanking that may not have happened. Both my parents were horrified by the results and as a result I have no memory of my father’s belt being used as a means of corporal punishment for the rest of my childhood.
Over the years my mistakes have been bountiful. From the small one of leaving my sandals overnight under our 1960s era swing set, to those that I now am unable to comprehend, to abandoning my young family over forty years ago. However, not for a moment, did I fear that grace and forgiveness would be withheld. No concern whatsoever. I knew that at some point there would be a second chance, an offer of a clean slate, forgiveness and restoration. There would be consequences certainly, but relationships would be restored and I would experience forgiveness.
Recently, the Lord reminded me how blessed I have been over the years and coupled with that the destructive and poisonous results of withholding forgiveness to others.
Without going into ad nauseam details, I will confess yet another failure in my life as a servant of Christ. I am praying these “failure/redemption” stories will offer encouragement to your weary souls. After all, as followers of Christ we are all fighting the same enemy, we have wins and losses and I for one am encouraged when others share their battle scars.
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of suffering.
1 Peter 5:8-10
Although grace was modelled to me, I don’t always offer it. When I am offended there are times my sin nature wants payback and revenge. I don’t seek the other’s good or desire harmony, I just want to prove my point. I want to hear from the perpetrator a heartfelt expression of sympathy and remorse for the bad behavior that damaged my ego, hurt my feelings or stepped on my toes. I want to come out on top, hear that I am right and the other person had been egregiously mistaken.
Behaving and thinking in this way of the world, it makes me like the proverbial frog. But the Lord of hosts wants more from me. His purpose is not frog-like behavior, but one of a princess. His goal is changing me hopping from one self-promoting behavior to another to that of offering gentleness and peace to those around me.
When I choose to quench the Spirit of God, my sin nature craves self-satisfaction . It seeks out an eye for an eye or tooth for a tooth. I insist on validation, to be proven correct, which means my opponent must be proven wrong.
Do not repay anyone evil of evil. Be carful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Romans 12:17-18
Recently, I responded in a very negative and defensive way after being asked a very simple and appropriate question by a coworker. Of course I didn’t deem the question simple and appropriate. But hindsight is twenty-twenty. To clarify, the week prior to this conversation, I was shocked by the comments and behavior I experienced in a similar situation. Unfortunately, I had my guard up and my proverbial claws out when I experienced this “deja vu” event with a different person.
After a display of my defensive body language and comments that mirrored the look on my face…I received a severe tongue lashing from my coworker. I must have pushed the “start” button on this person’s defense system. Her powerful reaction was like dousing a tiny controlled campfire with an ocean of water.
Multiple times during this verbal barrage, I offered an apology and unsuccessful attempt explaining my response. None of my words landed in the rational part of her brain, as words kept flying from her mouth, as her ears closed. It was like a modern-day picture of Captain Kirk crying out “…shields up Scotty!”
Scripture teaches that God’s compassion is new every morning. Think about it. Why would we need new mercies every single morning? Simple answer: we fail and we regularly come up short. In other words, we sin every day. Glory be to God that He provided a “get out of jail free” card, before we even knew we would end up behind bars.
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness
Lamentations 3:21-23
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.
Romans 8:1-2
As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
Psalms 103:12
As a servant and follower of Christ, I am equipped and enabled to share the same compassion and forgiveness He has generously provided to me. I am no longer a slave to sin. I do not have to give into the fleshly desire of retribution. The power of the Holy Spirit, the life changing word of God, along with the heartfelt prayers and the fellowship of believers creates a new heart for any and all those who would place their trust in Christ.
Because you are his sons, God sent the spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, father.” so you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since are his child, God has made you also an heir.
Galatians 4:6-7
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces comtemplate the Lord’s glory , are bering transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes for the Lord, who is the Spirit.
2 Corinthians 3:17-18
How then must we respond to this unearned gift of grace? We are instructed so many times and in multifaceted ways that what we have received we must not keep for ourselves. We are to pay forward the compassion, forgiveness and grace that has been poured out on those of us who are adopted children of God.
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. but if you do not forgive others theirs sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Mathew 6:14-15
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all of these virtues put on love which binds them in perfect unity.
Colossians 3:12-14
Fellow servant of Christ and weary traveler, this is my prayer for you. That the rock solid word of God will be your North Star. That His peace rule in your hearts. Join me in asking that my heart of stone will be turned into one of grace. I know our Creator will empower us to offer the love and forgiveness of God to all those our Father places in our paths. As I have been reminded over and over, I pray the Lord will complete the work He started in you as He is also in me.
Being confident in this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Philippians 1:6
I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.
Ezekiel 36: 26-27
Shalom,
Karen
Karen, So many times I have responded to someone in a non-Christian manner, only to regret and repent fully afterwards. It’s so hard to work with other women who often butt heads over the simplest things, but we are only human and thankfully, God is a loving God. I have and still am learning to pray for a completely renewed heart, one filled with compassion and love for all those around me, even if they are not so nice. But that is so easily said, isn’t it? But I do pray for a heart like David’s, a heart like the Lord’s for all people without judgement. Just know that He is with you, loves you no matter what, and I feel that as long as we remember our faults and confess them, turn from them and pray, we will stop doing those things, that not only offend God, but even our own selves….