Fast Forward

Why is it that the last part of your life seems to disappear like a mist, but as a child we see the coming twenty four hours like they will be a lifetime. Years ago I listened to a podcast in which the host and several guests attempted to solve this mystery.  After sixty minutes of their thoughts, no scientific answer was offered, and it seemed that I wasted 1hour of my short life. 

Here is my extremely unscientific resolution to this mind blowing question.  For a ten year old child, twenty-four hours represents 1/3650 of his life.  But for those of us entering the senior side of life, say 70 years old, twenty-four hours represents a much tinier 1/25,550 of their life.  See the correlation?  

Regardless of what the newest science studies reveal regarding the perception of the speed of time, I believe we all agree that time stands still for no one.

As you may have assumed from my writings over the years, I am somewhat of a control freak.  There is no bias, no pecking order of the things I attempt to control; nothing gets a free pass. Finances, grocery lists, household chores and dozens of other day to day activities are subject to my desire to orchestrate. If I thought I could control the weather, I would sure try.  But I at least know Who made and controls the wind and snow as I gaze out of my picture window and admire this morning.

He covers the sky with clouds; He supplies the earth with rain and makes grass grow.

Psalm147:8

My control fetish doesn’t leave much room for God’s direction or intervention.  It doesn’t enrich the day for  myself or my kind, gentle husband.  It does not invite his wisdom or his dreams.  My control offers little wiggle room for any collaboration from the outside world.

Plans are established by seeking advice.

Proverbs 20:18

My control issue is like a ball of dough that I keep kneading and turning over.  It is an unstoppable drive to be productive, to manage to orchestrate.  I judge every minute’s value by how I can manage an issue or check something off my list. I constantly feel that I need to strike while the iron is metaphorically hot.

What I fail to recognize is that my purpose on this planet is not to control my world or accomplish every task I have placed on my “to do” list.  My purpose is clear in His words to me:

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.   And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

Micah 4:8

Walking humbly means obeying His commands, including one other command I often forget:

Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.

Exodus 20:8

Over the years I “excused” myself from participating in a Sabbath because my career requires I work every other Sunday.  But the One who loves me most often asks me “what about another Sunday Karen?”  “Why don’t you choose another day in the week to rest?” As I attempt to give myself an excuse, I find no peace when I give myself a pass.

I honestly need some remedial teaching of rest, and why sometimes I just won’t. Certainly over the last forty years, I have heard God’s voice  through His word.  There are whispers I hear while I am manically cleaning closets on my day off.  “Rest is not only My command, but My gift to you.”  “Whatever needs to be done will be checked off your list if you just leave your time in My hands.”

My true desire is to obey and experience the indescribable peace He offers me. For a season, I will follow His command. After all, He is the creator of time.   I have literally never, ever regretted one moment of Sabbath rest, never.  But life gets busy.  So, there are times I give myself permission to skip rest for a week or two and soon my spirit begins to hear a siren’ song.  That song speaks directly into my fear of loosing control, or some task which may not get completed in the way it “should be.” The siren often lures me to a dangerous belief that if I don’t do it now, it just will not get done.  Should I make hay while the sun shines, strike while the iron is hot and seize the day?  My friends, that voice emmits from the father of lies, it is very familiar, nothing new.  Unfortunately, my memory is short and I fall back into that fear of loosing control which feeds my deep desire to be productive.  In surrendering to that fear, I forfeit the perfect peace that only our savior can provide.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid

John 14:27

The flesh is willing, but the spirit is weak.

Mathew 26:40

My most recent lesson from our gracious Father is about how I am fast forwarding my life.

I recently tested positive for Covid 19.  I was very sick; not deathly ill, I don’t want to exaggerate.  I won’t go into detail about my work and travel schedule. But by his grace, I am currently able to stay home for ten days. There is no agenda; just a need for profound rest.

I have to say it is no mystery why the Lord allowed me to contract this virus at this time.  I am a faithful follower in most ways, but as you have read, I can be pretty rebelious when it comes to the fourth commandment.  Sometimes I forgot that he knows when I sit and when I rise.

You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all of my ways.

Psalms 139:3

Why do I need to be reminded that when we believers obey Him, we are blessed and become a blessing to those around us? Why do I need to be reminded that as the Inventor and Creator of time, He is able to exponentiate the twenty-four hour seven day week.

If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the good things of the land.

Isaiah 1:19-20

With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.  

2 Peter 3:8

I humbly admit I was feeling good about laying low for the first five days.  But then came along day six .  My husband was at home and his presence opened the door to thoughts of checking off tasks that we can only accomplish when we are together while having a decent block of time.  So,out came the “to do” list.

We did get our taxes done… (sure proof that there is a real hell) and that helped us to clean out part of our file cabinet.

That same day he headed off to church while I stayed home.  Once again, that inner addiction won and I soon found that rather than me slowing down, I just kept cleaning out the files.  Once more, after a few minutes I felt febrile and started to sneeze again.  That was my wake up call.

All this time my Father had given me to recover and I soon was sabotaging this gift by cleaning out files that have been a mess for two years.  Files and tasks suddenly became more important than recuperating from Covid.

Pitiful!!

I then heard the sweet rational voice of Our Father, and I jumped in the shower, I clearly heard him say to me.  “You have your finger on the fast forward button on your life.”  

What a word picture.

I seemed to have learned I do have my hand on the fast forward button of life as I obsessively control, produce and plan. That button not only prevents precious rest, but deafens me to the voice of my God and steals the sweet promised benefits of being obedient.

How do I balance the God given ability to plan, multi task and clearly see the tiny details of everyday life while keeping my hand off the fast forward button?  How will I ever slow down that computer in my skull called the brain? 

There is however, a simple solution.

His Word, to all of His children is a compass and the North Star to every circumstance of life.  His Holy Spirit reminds us of His word and empowers us to obey Him in all things.

Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.

Exodus 20:8

I pray this lesson of mine will bless you, and remind you that your Father knows best!

Karen