My small group is studying a book on prayer. To be honest, I am not loving it and take issue with some of what is written. Because of this, I delved into the next chapter with the thought of just getting it over with. Crummy attitude, but I beg for a little grace as God has called me to be humble and honest with the stories I share.
The current chapter’s theme is inner healing. I hastily started reading as a “dutiful” leader when I felt my eyes start to tear up and a rock in my throat threatened my next breath. What was it that so quickly stabbed my heart, and why now? What could possibly be the catalyst for my tears? I told myself that I have far too much to do to deal with these waves of grief and pain. They must be put in their proper place, or stuffed where they are safe. I thought I had dealt with these issues and that I was done with them. I am not in need of healing, surely not! I am strong and invincible… “I Am Woman” as Helen Reddy used to sing. I have been a Christ follower for decades; I am forgiven, I have forgiven and I am whole. That is, unless I am not.
You see, I have a wound of pain and regrets that were planted many years ago. It’s like a pustule of anger and grief that the enemy gleefully reminds me of when I give him a chance. It comes in the form of jealousy, remorse, and shame. These thoughts and feelings, created a Wound, usually corralled or locked up in a secret place. This Wound is in a private place that I allow no one to come near. Perhaps you have seen those movies where there is a priceless gem, surrounded by technology that prevents it from being touched or stolen away. It seems the most natural thing we mere humans do when we sustain an injury. We protect it and are very hesitant to remove any barrier. We know without that protection more pain will come. Imagine a paring knife slipping. We sustain a laceration on our left hand and instinctively cover the Wound with our right. However, we must move our hand out of the way to get that injection of medication that burns so badly but allows our body to repair. Until the shield is removed, there can be no healing. I am wondering how long will I guard this Wound that’s turning somewhat gangrenous?
In rare occasions, I will allow a trustworthy friend or family member a peek at my pain or a brief glance through a well-designed veil. Anything more would feel like cold air on a sensitive tooth or hot water on a third-degree burn. If our pain was in a tooth, our dentist would use a powerful tool to blow cold air and pinpoint the decay. An MD would palpate an area to find the specific point of pain or order an MRI to look deeply through our bones and marrow. But in matters of the heart, we must allow some level of discomfort, before true healing can begin.
Our Lord is our mighty Physician, the One whose Death and Resurrection lead the way to complete healing. David wrote in Psalms 139:
“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me”.
Our Father does not need an air compressor or an MRI to discover the source of our brokenness. He desires to bind up those Wounds and is able to apply a healing balm with His gentle hands. He makes the most painful areas of our lives whole again. But we must allow Him into those secret places of pain. We must open our hearts to the light of His love, grace, and forgiveness. We must be willing to remove the Guard we’ve posted in our frail attempts to prevent further harm. We must be willing to invite Him into our wounded heart through prayer, studying scripture, fellowship, and at times counseling. We must trust His heart of deep love for us which the scriptures describe so often. One of my favorites is in Romans 8:38:
“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers neither height nor depth, or anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord”
Do any of you have unattended wounds of your heart as I do? If so, I invite you to join me in removing the protective barriers that may have been constructed long ago. Let us invite our creator into those places of pain that only He can truly heal and make whole.
In His service,
Karen
There are only a few of you that so generously spend your precious time reading these ramblings, I presume most of you know my story (If you don’t, please email me and my next post will be the earlier misadventures of this sojourner).
Perfecty said my sweet sister…upon saying that, our stories do not identify us. They are, if fact part of what we may have done or not done in our times of delusions…Jesus is always our identity and when the Father looks at us he sees his Son! ps you could have more followers than you know!